Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Sex Like A Man

Now, I'm not one to read relationship books, however a friend felt the need to pass on the book "He's Just Not That Into You." As it's a relatively short book, I read it in about two hours.

I dunno - I'm not going to poo poo the book. It had some great advice and I pretty much already knew that stuff, anyway, and lived by it. But, being fresh into the dating scene after 10+ years, it was nice to have the refresher.

But - the other day I saw the rebuttal book "Be Honest - You're Not That Into Him Either." And at the bargain price of $2, it was mine.

I have to admit, I'm not through the whole book yet. The author, though a Ph.D., is not as entertaining as the author of HJNTIY (although he thinks he is). And, he doesn't really make any points or offer clear guidelines - he just throws a bunch of info out there. And maybe that's a good strategy - for some.

I did, however, finish reading the first part of the book which is about sex. The author discusses women's needs, points out the obvious (women process and respond to sex differently than men), and focuses a bit on the sexual revolution and how it (not his words) fcuked up relationships everywhere.

As he points out (several times): Go ahead and have a one night stand, but be prepared for the aftermath (to include being labeled as easy, and the ever present post-orgasm regret). He fully acknowledges that the double standard does exist, and basically tells women to suck it up (amen brother!) - it's not going to change any time soon.

So, while he gives the reader tips on how to "have sex like a man," he also fairly clearly states over and over again that it is biologically impossible for a woman to do so. That as much as she'd like to fool herself into thinking she can, she really can't. Oh sure, he doesn't state it as simply as that - he uses a lot of rhetoric and scientific studies and a comparison of rats to voles (rats = men and voles = women - yeah, I thought you'd women like that rats thing, I know I did).

What it boils down to is this: women have sex drives. But, the hormones that are activated during and after sex trigger affection and facilitates a sense of attachment. So as much as we might like to have that wonderful no-strings-attached one-night stand, we kind of aren't capable of it. We either feel like "sluts" (80% of women polled felt that way after a ONS), or try to get him to commit to...something.

After all the bad news, the author gives out a couple of suggestions to help alleviate post-orgasm regret, however that part of the chapter is titled "Raise (Your Standards) and Reach (For Love)." As you can tell from the title, he's really not advocating the one-night stand for women, even though he is pretending to.

So you may be wondering, "Does PJammy have a point?" Yeah, I'm kind of wondering that myself. I guess my point is, being as I've only had one sexual partner, I sometimes consider the one-night stand. I sometimes just want to move on, even if it's just sexually. Yet, at the same time, I have been cautious because I was afraid I might end up placing too much stock into it, and pretending it was something else.

Armed with the knowledge I gleaned from the book, I'm guessing that a one-night stand probably isn't for me. But, a girl can still dream, can't she?

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