Monday, May 30, 2011

Blue Valentine

Last night, I found myself without any major plans, so I decided to enjoy my living room (the room I love the best). I rented "Blue Valentine," lit a bunch of candles, and settled in on the couch to watch the movie.

I found the movie difficult to watch. Using juxtaposition, the movie showed the beginnings and the end of a relationship. The cute meet. The giddiness and elation that comes when two souls start to gel. The smiles that appear automatically upon nearing that person.

The movie also portrayed - almost startling so - the stark contrast of love gone bad - or perhaps just stale. Of one partner who grew and one who did not. Of the day-to-day things that can either draw two people closer together or drive them further apart.Of the painful silences and simple conversations that dovetail into arguments.

Michelle Williams' character uttered a phrase I myself said many times, "I just can't do this anymore." I can remember saying this more times than I'd care to admit to over the course of my last three years or so with Mr. Kim. I remember that feeling - the deep knowing that the relationship was over. And yet allowing myself to believe it wasn't and holding on to his words as if they were my only lifeboat.

I had trouble shaking the movie off after it was over. I went to bed, but couldn't sleep. The movie reawakened the pain of holding on to something that just isn't working - and the pain that comes from letting go.

I've been told that I'm not over Mr. Kim yet. But I know that's simply not true - if he were to show up on my doorstep today to beg me to take him back, I know I would not. What I do have trouble getting over, though - or maybe simply not forgiving myself for - is for not giving up sooner. Of wasting time.

Well... as the saying goes, "It's no use crying over spilled milk." So cry I didn't - but almost 24 hours later I find I'm still having trouble shaking off that movie.

It was too real for comfort.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

What happens in Hawthorne... posted to the Internet!

The Hot Stix are back in town after our long weekend celebrating Armed Forces Day in Hawthorne. Here's what you missed:

1) Monster Truck Ride: Two Airborne Ranger Monster Trucks were there for the parade. After the parade, they set up in an abandoned lot and charged $5 per ride. Only two Hot Stix were up for the challenge: me and the other single redhead. It was a blast! Who knew Monster Trucks were fun?

2) Speaking of the other single redhead, she has a new name: Bloody Mary. Bet you can't guess what she was drinking all weekend.

3) Speaking of drinking, I didn't let loose. I brought four bottles of wine, and came back with three. I guess there were other things to take up my time, like...

4) The Parade: We practice for over three months to a song we LOVED - So What by Pink. We had new moves. A new costume. And a new sound system. We rocked, the sound system sucked. No one in the audience could hear the music. This was for several reasons: The sound system was mounted on a motorcycle (which most of us didn't want to happen, but...), and a firetruck was behind us in the parade, blasting its siren.

5) Karaoke: The VFW hosts karaoke night every year on Armed Forces Day in Hawthorne. Last year I begged the girls to go with - no one would. This year I talked three into going, and we had a blast. A Marine came over to me and said, "You chose the funnest songs tonight - will you sing one with me?" I had to do my part and oblige the active duty servicemember... we sang "Single Ladies..." and tore it UP in da house, fashizzle.

6) FYI: I also do a mean Snoop Doggy Dog, you know, just in case you were wondering.

7) Old Fuddy Duddies apparently don't appreciate the Snoop.

8) High heels cause pregnancy. Well, at least, we think they do. Everywhere we went, we found young girls in FMPs toting babies around. Who knew that Hush Puppies were the new birth control?

9) Hawthorne shuts down at 11 p.m. - even on a Saturday. The only other single gal and I attempted to have ourselves a single girl adventure after Karaoke. We hit the El Capitan first... and there were only four other people listening to the band, who kind of sucked and were arguing about what to play next. Then we went to Barley's, apparently the best place to party. But when we got there (before 11 p.m.), the band said, "This is our last song," and proceeded to close their set with one of the dumbest rock songs ever. The three remaining audience members-slash-motorcycle gang members couldn't even get that excited about it - and that was after they'd been drinking beer all day long.

Last stop was Joe's Tavern, the next best place to party. The cops beat us there - three cop cars, six cops, and the place was cleared out. So at 11:05 p.m., we found ourselves back in the room, donning our pajamas.

10) Small towns do have spirit. Yes, I make fun of Hawthorne, and you would, too, if you went there. However, there is no denying that the town LOVES its veterans. Visitors come from all over the country to celebrate Armed Forces Day there. The welcoming given to veterans and active service members brings a tear to the eye and a warmth to the heart.

I love going there every year just for that fact alone. Oh, and the karaoke ain't bad, either.