Sunday, January 29, 2012

The Sunday Seven

1) I really REALLY want to open a bottle of wine. But I won't.

2) I also really REALLY want a Claim Jumper brownie. I've hit that stage of Atkins where the food cravings kick in. Must resist.

3) I talked to a friend yesterday and we made a pact: we're going to go out once a month (at least). Music. Drinks. Try new places. I'm excited - I was a hermit for the last half of 2011 - no more Hermie for me! (or is that Hermes?)

4) I'm also thinking of starting a singles group for people of a "certain age." I honestly don't have the energy to pull it together, though - but if I'm going to do it, I need to do it by February 1st - otherwise, Meetup's costs go up.

5) Two of my "witchy" friends think they're being helpful by constantly telling me that there is no one here in Reno for me. For some reason, that really bugs me. Maybe I'll just conjure somebody up - that'll show 'em.

6) Not sure what it will show 'em, really - perhaps it will just make me feel better.

7) You know what would really make me feel better? A Claim Jumper brownie and a glass of wine.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Exhausted of Incense

Demi Moore has been hospitalized due to "exhaustion." Who, besides the rich, are ever hospitalized for exhaustion? Fuck - I'm exhausted. You don't see me trotting off to a hospital saying, "Admit me, I'm fucking exhausted man!"

I think by now we've come to know that the term "hospitalized for exhaustion" is just another way of saying "overdose." Perhaps in the case of some size 0 models, it could really mean "she hasn't eaten anything in three months" - if so, shouldn't the model just be admitted to the local McDonald's for a couple of hamburgers and call it good?

I digress - let's get back to Demi Moore, shall we? What the fuck did she smoke that was "similar to incense" - a bag of potpourri? Or maybe a sachet from her underwear drawer? I think not.

Apparently due to "privacy issues," parts of the 911 call were redacted. I get it - but jeepers, let's not try to be fooled into thinking that Demi Moore, broken up over the demise of her marriage, decided to light up something that's almost as innocent as incense. Because that simply did not happen. She acted like a meth head let loose in a meth lab and grabbed everything near her that could get her high.

The real part of this story that pisses me off, though, is that Demi Moore is having a very public breakdown because she lost that fucking loser Ashton Kutcher. Seriously sister? You should be kickin' up your heels and celebrating. He was cheating on you for years. Plus, he's not even a good actor!

Here's a hard truth, sister: People lose all respect for women who self-medicate to get over someone. The fact that your self-medication became public is humiliating and embarrassing - not just for you, but for all women of a "certain age." You might be thinking we're in your corner, saying "Oh you poor thing. We understand."

Nah - we're sitting around the water cooler saying, "What a fucking bimbo! Did she really think Ashton was in it for the long haul, especially when he was flicking his dick every which way but loose?"

Look lady - you're rich. Don't spend your money on drugs; take yourself on a whirlwind vacay around the world. Or scurry off to a spa. Or buy yourself a boy toy. Just please, stay away from the drugs.

For heaven's sake, use a little common sense. People don't pity a self-medicating cry baby. Take a page from Jennifer Aniston's book: act with a little dignity, okay? Then maybe we'll feel sorry for you.

In the meantime, stay away from incense. Especially the Nag Champa. I hear it's a killer.

Friday, January 20, 2012

The Friday Five

I haven't done this in a while... shame on me.

1) I'm losing weight - and it feels good. I have on a pair of pants today that feel like I need to keep pulling them up.I've checked myself in the mirror several times- yes, my pants are still on.

2) I feel so good about myself that I may wear a dress tomorrow to the company holiday party.

3) Then again, it's as cold as an icicle out there, so maybe not.

4) Yes, we're having our holiday party tomorrow - normally I wouldn't go, but as I've been talked to about participating in company events, I'll be there. With bells on. Why? Because I want everyone to NOTICE that I'm there, so maybe I'll stop getting pulled into meetings and told "you know, it hurts me personally when you don't participate in company or team events."

5) The thing is, it sounds like there will be a lot of good food there. And I'm on a diet (see #1). And that makes me not wanna go - but I'll be there. With a muzzle on.

Go team!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Have some butter, y'all!

Ugh. If I hear the words "Paula Deen," "butter," and "diabetes" in the same sentence again, I am going to throw something at the next reporter I see. Honestly.

And while I know that ignorance can be bliss, it's not when it's a reporter being ignorant. Look here, media: butter does not cause diabetes. Neither does fats in foods.

Diabetes is a metabolism disorder, plain and simple. Paula Deen did not get diabetes because she uses butter in her recipes. She may have gotten it due to eating a lot of starchy and sugar-laden foods. The truth, as the Department of Health states, is "The cause of type 2 diabetes is largely unknown..."

So to all you reporters out there who think it's ironic that the thing Paula Deen loved so much in her food is the thing that caused her diabetes - you're so wrong it's almost laughable. I say "almost" because the truth is you're getting paid to put out that trash - and that's nothing to laugh about.

Readers, please add some butter to your food tonight. It won't hurt you - and you'll actually enjoy it.

Imagine that... eating food that actually tastes good. Here's to you, Paula Deen! I hope you figure out how to continue using butter in your new diabetic-friendly recipes!