Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Radar Love

The other night, I received a call from Sport. We talked for a bit about, well, nothing in particular. Cats. The psychic fair. Food. (We seem to talk about food a lot!) Before we hung up, I thanked him for calling. He said, "No problem; I wanted to be sure I was still on your radar." I assured him he was still on my radar, and hung up.

But you know, I started thinking about his comment. Of course I thought about it - I'm a girl, and that's what we do. We think. We analyze. We think again about the words, the tone. We analyze the nuance. Blah, blah, blah, I'm so sick of it.

But still - I did think about it, and realized it was an odd thing to say. Because, well, since our date (which he prolonged and wanted it to last longer), he hasn't asked me out again. And he's had three days off since then. So, I dunno - he wants to stay on my radar, but doesn't ask me out. What is that all about?

Well, I have no idea. I don't pretend to know what goes on in the brains of men. I do know I want to stay on his radar - but more than that, I want a second date!

Lucky 13

Here are thirteen random things you were dying to know about me:

1) When I was a kid, I used to sleep with the blanket tucked securely around my neck. This was to protect my neck from being bitten by a vampire. Well, I think I kind of knew that a vampire could probably still bite me, but I was hoping that by moving the blanket away, it would alert me to the fact that there was a vampire in the room and give me time to run. (Of course, everyone knows you can't escape a vampire, but who can blame me for having hope?)

2) I hate grocery shopping, and try to shop by the ten-items-or-less method so that I can leave the store quickly. Problem: By only purchasing ten items at a time, I think I have to actually go to the store more often...

3) I love washing dishes. I find it soothing.

4) I hate cell phones...more than the cell phones themselves, I hate how people use them as an excuse to be rude. I resent how people assume I should be using one so they can contact me any time of the day, no matter where I am. Furthermore, I don't understand why one would go through the trouble to make a date, only to romance the cell phone instead.

5) My cat Schmutzy thinks he's my boyfriend. He holds my hand and strokes my face. And just like a real boyfriend, he yells at me if there is no food in the house.

6) I am addicted to tarot cards, and have about 75 decks (and only use about four decks regularly).

7) I'm a published author, but these days I am hard pressed to even write a blog entry.

8) My porn name is Smokey Sawleaf. No wonder I never made it big in the porn world. I should have tried "Smokey Stacked" if I expected to make any money...

9) I was once president of the Peter Pan Fan Club.

10) While shopping at the Paris flea market, a guy kept sneaking up behind me to pinch my butt. As I didn't speak French, I had to figure out another way to stop him. I waited until he got ahead of me and I quite literally kicked him in the ass. He turned around but didn't say anything, and I looked like a Crazy American for kicking someone in public. Still...it did feel good.

11) I hate that I'm a walking cliche, but I absolutely love to receive flowers from guys.

12) One of my pet peeves is that the garbage cans in movies and TV shows are still made of tin, therefore make a huge sound when they get knocked over (as they always seem to do in movies and TV). Garbage cans haven't been made out of tin in years - hasn't Hollywood noticed that?

13) I've been in 9 relationships, fallen in love four times, and have only had one sexual partner.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Good Night

You know it's a good night when you had steak for dinner, and come home with a smile on your face and your panties in your purse.

Fair Play

Last week, I was supposed to pick up more stuff from Todd's house. He said, "I am busy for the first half of the week, but I'll call you mid-week to make plans." Did he call me? No. So, this week, I followed up through email.

I simply asked him to give me days and times that I could come over. Did he do that? No. He made it more complicated - he called me when I was out and left a message that he wanted to discuss what would work for the both of us. Didn't I already make it clear that all he needed to do was set a time and date? So, I called him back. And even though he was home, he ignored my call.

After several ignored email messages, He finally left me a phone message that stated Friday would work, but he wanted to hammer out a time with me "later." Dude, just give me a time. I'll be there. By this morning, I hadn't heard back, so I emailed him. My email wasn't rude, but I did write this: "Perhaps I haven't said it clearly: it is important to me to sever ties completely. I am unable to do that until I am out of your house. It seems that the very least you can do for me is to honor this and schedule time for me."

So, he called me and the very first thing he said was this: "Your comment in your email was not fair to me at all." Huh? Fair? Let's talk about fair:

1) Was it fair for him to tell me he'd schedule time with me, and let me hang waiting for him to call, only to find he had blown me off? No.

2) Was it fair for him to lead me on for ten years, when really all he wanted was not to be alone? No.

3) Was it fair of him to tell me how he wanted me to have my own friends, and then get mad at me when I did, because I started actually spending time with them? No.

4) Was it fair for him to block me out of his life by not introducing me to his friends, including me in his clubs, etc, while demanding that I incorporate him into mine? No.

5) Was it fair of him to date me after we broke up, leading me to believe we were "working" on our relationship, while instead he was already telling Kim that he loved her? No.

He has no concept whatsoever of what's fair - through the years, I have been more than fair with him. And even in our break-up, I have been fair. And courteous. I told him he has no right to accuse me of not being fair, and I better not ever hear those words coming out of his mouth again in regards to me.

And should he ever deign to say those words to me again, I think it would be quite fair of me to kick his ass with my black leather boots on.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Healing Touch

I volunteered four hours of my time to the Reno Psychic Fair this weekend, for which I'll receive free admission to the fair and a free reading by the Reno Psychic Institute. Tonight, I went to the volunteers' meeting. I was hoping to see Walter.

I did.

When I got to the meeting, he wasn't there, and I admit to feeling disappointed. However, right before the meeting started, Walter sauntered in, found a seat, and settled down. A few times, I could feel his gaze turn my way. I was nervous, though, but did glance his way several times.

After the meeting, we were invited to take part in a free energy healing downstairs. A few of the volunteers decided to go, so I thought "why not?" I followed them, signed in, sat down and watched the demonstration. Then, those of us remaining were partnered with healers. The woman in charge assigned Walter to me.

My heart skipped a beat.

Walter performed the healing, and afterward asked me how I felt. I responded, and he started telling me what he had seen, and what he had done. When he finished explaining, he thanked me for the opportunity and shook my hand.

I gathered up my things to go. There were still several others waiting for healings, and another demonstration was about to take place. However, I had a class to teach so had to leave.

As I started for the door, I saw Walter at the door. He saw me approaching, held the door open for me, and then asked me if I had been there before. I said yes. He said that I looked familiar to him; had I been there for a healing? I said no, that I had talked to him at PPD. He said "I knew I you looked familiar - I recognize your hair!"

We talked for a bit, and he walked me out to the parking lot. He said he was looking forward to seeing me on Friday night, and we parted ways.

The thing is, my volunteer hours are for Sunday. Guess who'll be calling RPI tomorrow to see if they still need volunteers on Friday night?

Monday, March 23, 2009


Many moons ago, I met a guy named Walter at PPD. He was manning a booth, and I was looking at some of the cool items at the booth. He struck up a conversation with me, and soon he introduced himself. "I'm Walter," he said simply and held out his hand. I shook it, introduced myself, and we started talking more intensely about some of the items in the booth.

My girlfriend came up to the booth to grab me, but later told me that she backed away because she felt that Walter and I had a connection. Well, nothing really ever came of that connection. He asked me to come by the Mystic Rose for a healing, but they're on Tuesday nights, and I teach on Tuesday nights. I never made it there.

About a month after meeting him, I saw him at the psychic fair. I finally got up my nerve to go up to him and say "Hi," but just as I was headed towards him, a blond woman sidled up to him and put her arm around him. I couldn't figure out if they were just friends, and she was giving him a short hug hello, or if they were more than friends. Needless to say, I didn't end up going up to him to say "Hi."

I do think about Walter now and again. And, on the rare Tuesday when I don't teach, my girlfriends egg me on to go to the school to get a free healing. "Walter might be there," they say. Then again, he might not. And I guess I just haven't been brave enough to follow through.

Every time I think of Walter, though, my heart lurches inside my chest cavity. Man, he is a looker. And friendly. And... well, I have been thinking of him again recently, and I think I conjured him up out of nowhere.

I was leaving Trader Joe's today, and just happened to be smiling, thinking about - well, I can't even remember what I was thinking about. I just felt kind of happy today, and it showed. So, there I was, walking towards my car, smiling like a fool, and who do I almost bump right into but Walter. He saw me smiling, and smiled back. I said "Hi,' and he grinned.

And that was it.

He went into Trader Joe's and I went to my car, and I thought "Whoa, wait - should I have done something more?" Like what, throw myself at him?

Anyway, unfortunately tomorrow is a teaching night, so I won't be going to the Institute for a healing. But, I did volunteer four hours of time to the psychic fair this weekend, and guess what? There is a meeting tomorrow at the school in the afternoon. So maybe, just maybe, I'll see Walter.

And if I don't? I'll just dream about him like I always do - the elusive "It" guy I might not ever see again!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The Sport of Dating

I "met" a guy online earlier this week, and we've been emailing each other fast and furiously. I've been told I give good email - he does as well, so it's been a lot of fun. It turns out that he is a sports writer and works for the local rag.

Today he called, and while I normally hate those first calls I found this one to be a lot of fun. We talked, laughed, talked, laughed and then made plans to meet tomorrow night after class.

In some ways, I feel like I'm cheating on G., even though he states he doesn't want to get serious. Still, we see each other pretty regularly and so going out with someone new feels kind of wrong.

But, strangely, it also feels kind of right.

I can't wait to meet Sport tomorrow night and see if we have chemistry in real life as well as through the written and spoken word. Will it be a home run or a foul ball? Only time will tell.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

He Called

I know, I know - I'm a little too old to for a phone call to make me giddy. Still... this afternoon I received a phone call that left me smiling.

See, Mr. Wonderful is in California. He's visiting a friend and seeing some sites. I didn't expect to hear from him until he returned - after all, he doesn't want to get "serious." And, this is still a very new relationship, so it's not really time to expect "I'm missing you" calls.

However, he called this afternoon and left me a message stating that he was standing in front of the oddest site: a plastic surgeon's office in a strip mall. He said only in California would a plastic surgeon set up in a strip mall.

I called him back, and asked him if his message was a subtle way to inform me that he was planning on getting some work done. He laughed and said no. I love that he thinks I'm funny. After ten years of being told how funny I wasn't, this is a nice change.

Our conversation was brief, but long enough for him to let me know he'd be back in town tomorrow. I'm actually looking forward to his return - although I'm still not quite ready to admit to anyone that I actually missed him.

It's much too soon for that, doncha think?

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Why Can't We Be Friends?

I seen you 'round for a long long time
I really 'membered you when you drink my wine

Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?

Last week, Todd said "I don't understand why we still can't be friends." I know what I said back to him, but that wasn't the complete response. No, I took the safe and easy way out - oh my response was truthful, but it wasn't the whole truth.

Here is the real truth, or as I like to call them The Seven Deadly Sins:

1) Eight years of lies. Okay, well we've been together for 10 years, but I would say that the first two years were relatively honest years, or at least what I can remember of them. No, I think the lies started some time after our Ross-And-Rachel break of 2000. We got back together because he said he wanted to be with me. The truth was, he did not. Ever since that time, he has had a roving eye.

2) Ten years of manipulation. From the moment we became exclusive, Todd started to manipulate me in order to get me to become the mate he wanted. "I could never be with someone who didn't have (this kind of) sex." So, I started to have "that kind" of sex.

Next: "I can't be with someone who isn't nurturing." Okay, so I never really fixed that, because I am not a nurturer by nature. But I became more nurturing, paying close attention to his needs and trying my hardest to fill them.

Next: "I need you to be a life partner. You need to make some real changes in order to become that." Well, this was a difficult one to tackle, and I never got it right. Of course, I never got it right, because of the next item on my list:

3) He didn't let me into his life. Oh yes, he wanted me to be his life partner. He ranted and raved about it. But, you see, he set me up for failure. I could never be his life partner, because he didn't let me into his life. He didn't introduce me to his friends. He wouldn't allow me to attend the local BDSM meetings with him. He wouldn't even invite me to his game nights. (He waited until I was out of town to host them at the house.)

Oh he'll say "But I introduced you to my family." Well, that's kind of true. I say "kind of," because the few times I attended family events with him, he didn't introduce me to anyone. No, his family members all introduced themselves to me. Or I'd introduce myself to them. But when we were all seated together, he wouldn't include me in conversations or ask me to join him if he was going to another part of the room to talk to various other family members. He would just leave me on my own.

4) Roving eye. He was never satisfied with me, and he let me know that, both through word and through action. Even before we were broken up, he opened several online accounts through which he used to flirt with and contact other women. If confronted, he would give it up for a while (or so it seemed). But then sooner or later evidence of this would reappear, and would cause more strife between us. Which brings me to my next reason:

5) "You make me crazy." These words were often said to me by Todd in anger and frustration. I was the cause of his anguish. I was the one who was making waves. It was me who added undue stress in his life. So, if I complained about his flirting with other women, or questioned his treatment of me, or brought up any other number of valid concerns, he would get angry and turn it around on me. I made him angry - how dare I? And yet, now I see that I had every right and reason to bring up those things to him. I am just sorry that I let his turning it around on me go on for so long.

6) He led me on. For the last two years, we've been, well, I don't know - not on a break, but supposedly by his terms "redefining our relationship." The way I understood it was that he needed certain things and needed to set certain boundaries, and we'd see how it would go from there.

The thing is, "we" were supposed to be redefining our relationship, but in all actuality, he was redefining our relationship. And that might have been something we could have worked through, if he hadn't kept the new definition a secret from me.

During the last couple of years, the rules of engagement were constantly changing. It to got the point where I had no idea where I stood, how I should act, and what he wanted from me. If I asked him, I would get one of the following two responses: "You drive me crazy!" or "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"

Um, the truth would have been nice.

7) Lies of a sexual nature. I know what you're thinking: "you covered lies already." Well, yes and no. The lies I was referring to in item number 1 were the lies that he told us both (himself and me) that our relationship was important to him. "You are the most important person in my life." If I had a dollar for every time he told me that in the last ten years, I'd be a rich woman. Yet, I couldn't have been that important, as he wouldn't let me into his life (see item 3).

No, the lies of a sexual nature are actually, in a lot of ways, more hurtful. See, I can perhaps even understand how he could lie to himself and me regarding the seriousness of our relationship (as I think he believed this lie to be true). But I can't understand how he would not let me into his sexual world, and instead choose to share his sexual needs with others.

I didn't even really know this was going on until recently. I found something at the house, and all of a sudden things started to make complete sense. A Disney princess bag that contained a pacifier (in a sealed baggie), a teddy bear and a blanket - this bag appeared after a weekend I spent with my folks. I thought it belonged to his friend's little girl, until I met the girl: she is approximately ten years old. And while she might have a teddy bear, she certainly wouldn't have a pacifier. It dawned on me last week when I came across something else as I was moving items: he must have hosted a sex party that weekend, and had some age play going on in the house.

I figured this out after I found boxes and boxes and boxes of condoms and some sex toys- sex toys I didn't even know he had. Sex toys he had never used in our own sexual adventures. Sex toys he hid from me, so I wouldn't find them.

When all of this dawned on me, I felt nauseous and dizzy. He had been lying to me for ages. He put my sexual health at risk. And, once again, it was another area of his life he wouldn't let me in to. Why wouldn't he choose to play these games with me? Why wouldn't he ever bring them up with me? Instead, he decided that his life partner (ha) wasn't good enough to play with, but his friends obviously were.

One other thing: after that weekend, you know, the weekend I was at my parent's house and he was apparently having just a regular "games" night at the house, I found a girl's ring in the bedroom. It didn't belong to me. I asked him about it. He played dumb. Then he said he asked the cleaning girl about it, and she said she had found it in the living room. He told me that someone must have taken it off while playing games.

Well, that never made sense to me. Why would a girl take off a ring if they were playing a board game? Now it all makes sense - it wasn't board games, it was sex games.

How stupid am I not to have put this all together sooner? (Don't answer that!)

As for "friends," no I don't think I could be friends with Todd again. Or at least, not for a very long time. I am so mad and hurt and confused. How could someone who professed to only have my best interest at heart actually be so destructive to our relationship? How could someone who claimed that I was the "most important person" in his life actually bend over backwards to prove otherwise through words and action?

But you know, I can't just blame him. Oh I want to. Believe me, I want to. However, I put up with this for ten years. Ten fucking years I was hanging on with a wing and a prayer. I chose to only hear the good things: the I Love Yous and the You Are The Most Important Person In The World To Mes and the I Can't Imagine What My Life Would Be Without Yous. I'm stupid for focusing on that, when in fact I should have been focusing on how badly he treated me.

Yes, I should have broken up with him a long time ago - in fact, if I was the smart woman I pretend I am, I should have never gone back to him in 2000. Just think of how different my life would be -

But it's not different and I made a huge mistake. I wasted ten years with someone who never really wanted me in the first place. What he really wanted was someone to hang out with until someone else better came along.

I don't even think I have the right to cry about this - after all, I made my bed and now I have to lie in it. That doesn't mean I can't wash the sheets, though, and try to clean it up a bit. And that's what I'm doing now - cleaning up and moving on.

So why can't we be friends? Because honey, obviously we never really were friends in the first place.

Monday, March 09, 2009


"When does school let out for you? They can't possibly keep you there all evening! Anyway, give me a shout. I've got . . . ideas."

This is how an email from Mr. Wonderful to me began, and I have to say, it got my libido running on full speed. Ideas... that could be so many things! I love how it's left open to my imagination.

So, a call was made and plans were solidified - after class, I will be going to his place. This time, I will be prepared. Toothbrush. Toothpaste. Maybe a change of underwear. Because I know what one of his ideas is... and I'm okay with that. After all, it's not like I have to work tomorrow.

Making Friends With Aunt Flo

So...Friday night I went over to Mr. Wonderful's place. He took me out for a nice dinner at the Brew House, and then we went back to his place to watch "Dogma." Of course, I knew a movie wasn't the only thing planned for the evening... but was still trying to figure out how to maneuver around Aunt Flo's unwelcome presence.

It turns out I didn't have to worry at all. Mr. Wonderful is not turned off by Aunt Flo. And while we still didn't exactly consummate our relationship, he decided to take a trip down south, and let's just say "O" is no longer just a magazine to me.

Dinner, Dogma and the big "O." I feel like the Queen of the Earth.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Mr. Wonderful

Ever since our semi-intimate night together, Mr. Wonderful has been sending me emails full of compliments and flattery. He can't wait to see me again. He thinks I'm a fabulous kisser. And then there's the one that is most near and dear to my heart: he thinks I'm funny, and he "loves" that I am.

It's gotten to the point that I am almost counting the hours until our next date. I think about his hands gently brushing up against my body. I think about his passionate kisses. I remember his eagerness to please me. I catch myself moaning out loud and blush.

As they say, timing is everything, and unfortunately for me my Aunt Flo is visiting. So, I have a feeling our Friday night date won't be as hot as our Sunday night date was. However, I am looking forward to seeing what we can do to to please each other while avoiding Aunt Flo's unwelcome presence. I'm sure we can come up with something that will be mutually pleasing to the both of us. And if we can't, there's always Netflix.

Not Allowed

The other day when I was at Todd's packing up some of my stuff, he asked me if I would sit with him and have a cup of coffee. He wanted to talk, and while I'm all done talking, I could see it was important to him so I sat down with him and talked.

After we got the "us" stuff out of the way, he asked me about Mr. Wonderful. I hesitated in answering, and he said that perhaps he had no right asking, but he was genuinely interested in what was going on.

For some reason that I couldn't immediately identify, I felt resentful and private. I didn't want to share; this was mine. And then I realized that no harm could come from me sharing some of the details, so I updated him on what was going on with Mr. W and myself.

It wasn't until later, when I was home, that I realized what caused my hesitancy in responding. It is because I feel that in asking, he was not just getting information, but that he was also seeking validation - perhaps unconsciously - that he made the right choice in replacing me with Kim.

It is my belief that he can now tell himself "See, I did the right thing. She has moved on and this is better for her." But that's not true at all. My current relationship has nothing to do with my past relationship, in that it's not the reason I left Todd. And it's definitely not a replacement for Todd.

Todd is not allowed any reprieve for his recent unfair actions to me - in holding on to me, even though he knew he didn't want me any more. In keeping me around, just because he wasn't ready to let go. In leading me to believe he was working on our relationship, when he freely admitted on Monday that was never the case - that he already knew he wanted something - someone - else.

No, my budding relationship with Mr. W does not exist so Todd can feel good about his decisions and/or his actions towards me. He has no right to use this to assuage any guilt he might feel. It is for that reason that I wanted to keep this to myself for now. But I didn't - I spilled - and now I'm just not sure I did the right thing. Because the right thing isn't to let him feel good about what he did to me. No, the right thing is for me to believe I did a good thing in letting him go.

And I know I did - but I'm still coming to terms with it. It'll take time, and between you and me, Mr. Wonderful is helping with that. But Todd doesn't have to know that, does he?

Monday, March 02, 2009

Naked Lunch

Well, okay, in my case it was a naked dinner...or rather, nakedness after dinner. Does it really matter the order in which it all happened? The only important part of this story is that I got to see a man unclothe himself, while I was wearing my glasses. For those of you who are not visually challenged, this means I got to see everything in Technicolor, and without any blurry lines.

Oh wait. Would you like an explanation? More of a story, perhaps? Well, for those of you not in the know, I have been dating someone new. Yes, as hard as it might be to believe, it is true. I haven't scared him off yet. Go figure!

His name is...well, I probably shouldn't reveal his name without his permission, so I'll just call him what Todd calls him: Mr. Wonderful. He's ten years younger than me, is a merchant sailor, and has an odd sense of humor. However, as his very first email to me left me laughing out loud, I knew I had to meet him.

He was already aces in my book because he asked me to Claim Jumper. Yes, I might have written about that already. Believe you me, though, Claim Jumper is always worth mentioning again. Anyway, he was very physical on the first and second date, and then not at all on the third date. On the fourth date, I got a hug and a sound. "Ummmmmmmmmm" was what he uttered when he hugged me.

Okay, so I got an "Ummmmmm" but no kiss. So, perhaps I was a bit confused, but I hid it well when he asked me if he could call me again. I said "Sure thing, hunkarama." He said "Cool," and turned to walk to his motorcycle. I wasn't prepared for what happened next.

He turned around and asked, "What do you want to get out of this?" Uh, huh? Out of a dinner at Claim Jumper (see? Claim Jumper was so good the first time, we had a repeat performance!). I was confused. I think I might have said "Uh...." I'm sure I sounded quite intelligent.

He continued. "You're not hoping for anything serious are you? Because I've been thinking about this a lot, and it's really stressing me out. I'm gone for four months at a time, and I'm not sure I want to worry about a relationship that I can't tend to while I'm away."

"Well, I understand about the requirements of your job, and I have no problem with that."

"Well..." he started and I thought to myself "Oh this can't be good." He mentioned an ex-girlfriend who he keeps in touch with, but no longer has a relationship with, and doesn't even want to go there...and I was starting to feel lost when he reeled it back in to the person who is really important in this equation: me.

He asked me if he could continue to call me and see me, and I said "Sure, I'd like that." I mean, really, after the disaster that was my last relationship, do I really want to get all serious and stuff about someone else so quickly? The answer to that question, dear readers, is no.

So then I said "Are you going to be around this weekend?" Now it was his turn to look confused. Perhaps he didn't think I heard a word he said. I didn't care - I threw caution to the wind. "Maybe you'd like to come over for dinner on Sunday if you're around."

He said sure, and we left it at that. Well, one thing led to another, and Saturday came and went and I hadn't had a chance to call him. Then I had a brilliant idea: I'd pull a Mr. Wonderful and call him on the same day as the date! But, he beat me to the punch. Late Saturday night, I received a call from him. "PJammy," he said "I believe you offered to have me over for dinner tomorrow. Does that offer still stand?"

Why yes, yes it did. I told him that I have a shoeless policy at my house, so he'd have to take off his shoes in the hallway. I added "Don't worry; I won't ask you to take anything else off...at least until after dinner."

Let me tell you something, readers: it sucks to reach my age and discover you only have only had one sexual partner. Time to experiment! It's especially good to experiment with someone who doesn't plan on getting serious. Or at least, that's what Cosmo says.

So, I made all the appropriate preparations. Straightened up the house, paying particular attention to the bedroom. Planned a simple yet stunning meal, so that I wouldn't be in the kitchen all day, but it would look like I was. Made a trip to the local pharmacy to buy condoms. And lube. And a brown bag. (just kidding about the brown bag.)

I was set. He came early (I mean, he arrived early). We had dinner. After dinner, we decided to watch a movie. Well, as you can probably guess, we didn't get past the opening credits. Next thing I knew we were making out. Then I noticed he was unbuttoning his shirt. I started to get nervous. He whispered, "I seem to remember you saying something about waiting until after dinner to take other things off..." I told him he had a good memory.

Well, as I believe this site is rated PG, I won't go into too many intimate details. Suffice it to say I finally got to see a naked guy other than Todd. And we had some fun - but not the kind of fun you probably expect we had, and definitely not the kind of fun I expected to have.

Was I disappointed? Well...sort of. But I was also sort of relieved. However, I did enjoy some adulation of my body, which prompted my head to swell. I bet you didn't know that I have a "small waist" and "a toned body." Heck, I didn't know it either, at least before last night.

Anyway, I think a repeat performance is probably in order. Only this time, I think I'd like to use some of the paraphernalia I bought. I'd hate to see it go to waste.