Monday, June 26, 2006

Tuesday Night Book Club

Okay. I'll admit it. I was one of the five people in the United States watching CBS' Tuesday Night Book Club before it was cancelled.

I don't know why; from the first five minutes of the show, I could tell there was no way in hell it was a reality unscripted drama. It was very clear that there was a script of some sort, even if it was loosely used.

Plus, book club? Um, nope. Just a mere ruse to get the women together. They never read the books, and seriously, with book picks like Good In Bed, I doubt any of them were serious readers anyway.

Seriously. Good In Bed as a book club pick? Come on, ladies! It's nothing but fluff!

But on to the drama.

The first show began with a narration to warn the viewer that while these women seem as if they have everything - money, good looks, youth, amazing lifestyles - they, too, have problems just like ugly poor people do. Marriages on the verge of collapse. Not enough sex in their relationships. High taxes. Lack of good gardeners.

Yeah, I could tell those women were just like me, only prettier.

So I sat glued to the tube while beautiful women with their varied "problems" paraded in front of me. At the first "book club" meeting, since no one had read Good In Bed, they decided to talk about sex instead. Oooooh, this could be good! I rubbed my hands together in anticipation and fast-forwarded through the commercial.

Well, believe me when I say it wasn't good. Kris whined that she was just reconnecting with her alkie husband, so sex wasn't really "there." Jenn, the "trophy wife," is married to a perv who hits on all her friends, but she doesn't care because the sex is great and he gives her tons of money to do with whatever she wants. Kirin complained that her doctor husband was more interested in his motorcycles than her. Jamie is having great sex, just not with her husband. Sara, the only single-never-married girl in the bunch, has tons of great one night stands. Tina, the divorcee, didn't comment much on her own sex life and instead interrogated everyone else. Lynn, the bitchy newlywed, complained about her sex life, however later in the episode we find out why her husband won't have sex with her; she's too busy bitching and complaining, so he never gets a chance to seduce her.

Yeah. These women's problems are just like mine, with added Botox.

I watched the second episode, convinced it would be better. It wasn't.

The book pick was better: Wally Lamb's She's Come Undone. However, once again none of the women read it, and instead decided to use the book club session to bitch about their lives and drink vast amounts of alcohol.

We catch more glimpses into their oh! so dreadful lives. While unpacking their belongings in their brand new, spacious and quite expensive home, Lynn rips her husband a new one and then later wonders why her husband doesn't want to go see her "perform" at a body building show.

Tina cries because the family therapist told her that her children graded her parenting, and it only amounted to a "C." Um, since when do children get the right to grade their parents? Instead of crying, I'd have them write 100 times on a blackboard (Bart-style) "My mom loves me and does her best." Then I'd axe the family therapist and enroll them all in summer school.

Kirin once again complains about her doctor husband and her childless house (her children both go to school and she doesn't know what to do with her day). Um... guess she hasn't heard of a little thing called a job or another thing called volunteer work.

Jamie complains that her marriage sucks, but no wonder... she's been cheating on her husband ever since they got married. I guess that would suck, more for him, though than her.

Lynn cries when her husband doesn't show up to go with her to her body building show. Well, duh... she threw her old boyfriend in his face before the show. What did she think he would do? What wasn't mentioned is that he is a firefighter, so probably had to work. However, me-centric Lynn thinks her show is more important than saving people from raging fires.

As if all that wasn't enough, the trophy wife decided all her friends needed Botox, so she invited them all over and guilted them into getting injections. After all, nothing says "beautiful" like a face that doesn't move.

Still, as sick and self-serving for the "main characters" as the show was, I was sort of looking forward to the next installment. CBS killed it, though, before it would air this week. So instead of watching rich women complain about their sucky lives, I'll just sit around a gyrating fan with my girlfriends this Tuesday. We'll hitch up our muumuus, sip from our Dollar Store beer cans, and talk about the book we read. And if we didn't read it, we'll inject our wrinkles with Jello and hope for the best.

1 comment:

Jedi said...

* After all, nothing says "beautiful" like a face that doesn't move. *

Now THAT'S funny..