Saturday, September 04, 2010

Karma...It's a Bitch

As I mentioned, I've been employing the Pair and a Spare method of dating. My spare is always someone different, but recently my Pair consisted of Eddie (lives in Winnemucca; I met him through Match) and Les (I haven't talked much about him yet; I met him through CL).

Eddie is sweet. He's gentle, funny, and has been moving very slowly. He likes me a lot, or so he indicates, but I rarely hear from him. I don't know how else to put this, except I think he's just a bit beaten down. I don't know how his two relationships ended (one marriage, one four-year long-term relationship), but I know they both left him, telling him there was something "better" for them. I haven't pried - but I know that he proceeds very cautiously.

I get it, I really do - yet had he moved a bit faster, we might be at a different place in our relationship right now. As it is, we aren't, and so here I am, dating someone else as well. And baby, this someone moves very quickly.

Les doesn't second guess himself - and if he does, he keeps it to himself. He just moves right on through. After our first date, he called to make plans to get together again. And last night? He wanted to get together again - and this is just in the span of one week.

And so... I had plans with Eddie today. We were supposed to go to the Rib Cook-Off and see the Gin Blossoms. But... I couldn't stop thinking about Les. And the more I thought about Les, the less enthused I became about seeing Eddie.

Now... had Eddie called me last night like he was supposed to, I might have had a different feeling about today. Eddie emailed me twice: once on Thursday and once on Friday to let me know he would call on Friday night so we could talk about a meeting place, etc. By 10 p.m. he hadn't called, so I went to bed.

However, earlier that night Les not only emailed - twice - but he called. We had a fun phone call, joked around, and talked for about an hour. I found it refreshing that we could have such a fun conversation and talk about absolutely nothing in particular, yet still have a good time. After our phone call, he emailed me. Twice.

I went to bed with conflicting emotions: a bit of giddiness from having such a good conversation with Les to confusion at why Eddie hadn't called. At 10:37, I was awakened from a not-so-deep sleep to the sound of a ringing phone. I felt disoriented. Who could be calling? From my bedroom, I couldn't hear the message that well as I had Coast to Coast AM on the radio. At some point I realized I couldn't get back to sleep, so I walked into the front room and hit "play" - it was Eddie.


I didn't call back - instead I went back to sleep.

When I woke up this morning, I found that I didn't want to see Eddie. And it's not because I don't like him - I do. I just found myself thinking more about the emails I received from Les (which he wrote last night, but I didn't read until I woke up this morning). He wanted to see me again. Today if possible. And I found myself smiling, and then frowning, realizing that I would have to say no.

Or would I?

I left the house to think about it. I had plans with Eddie. I couldn't renege - or could I? It wouldn't be cool, but would it be fair to be with him while thinking about Les. Or would I be thinking about Les?

I couldn't make up my mind, but the longer I thought about it, the more stressed I felt. Should I or shouldn't I?

When I got home, I made the call. When he answered, I said, "Eddie, don't hate me.." He said, "I could never hate you." Ugh - now I felt really bad. "I just can't make it tonight. I'm not feeling well, and as much as I tried to get better, I just am not there, so I won't be able to meet you tonight." (Not a complete lie - the stress of wondering what to do did put me into quite the state, and I wasn't feeling well because of it.)

He was so sweet - and said no problem, he would hang out with his friend Tony, who wasn't as cute as I was, but he was sure they'd have a good time. He told me to get better.


I felt bad, until Les contacted me shortly afterward. He wanted to see me today, but was fairly certain I had plans. Did I? Would I be able to see him?

I told him yes.

He said he'd call after he returned from the gym. So, I started getting ready. I took a shower (as I had been at the gym myself). Washed my hair, then began the long, arduous task of straightening it. I made sure I was shaved. I put on my best pheromone-laced body lotion. Found some sexy underwear that still fit. And waited for his call.

I have no idea how I missed his call - perhaps he called while I was blow drying my hair - but around six-thirty, I noticed the light on my machine was blinking. What? I listened. It was Les. He ran a race this morning (which I knew), but of course went to the gym, anyway. He found himself feeling lightheaded and nauseous, so he was on his way home. He would call me "later" when he felt better, but wasn't sure we would be getting together after all.

Karma bit me in the ass. Again.

So here I am, watching a movie I rented and still wearing my sexy underwear. Not sure why I didn't take it off - perhaps I was feeling hopeful. Now I'm just feeling stupid.

And alone.

Karma - I get it. I really do. Now stop laughing at me and move on to someone else, okay? I honestly didn't mean anyone any harm.

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