Maybe it's because my next boyfriend is out of town. Or maybe it's because I lost out on a free bike. Or maybe it's because I didn't get the job I wanted. Whatever it is, it's left me feeling utterly and completely apathetic. Here are the top five things that I really couldn't care a hoot about:
1) Penelope Cruz is pregnant. Whoop-de-doo. Her voice is annoying and grating, and I wish she'd go back to whatever country it is she came from.
2) George Michael will be jailed for eight weeks. Really? Only eight weeks? No offense, GM, but you really should have gotten a longer stint. And look at the bright side: you won't have to go to any public parks for free sex. I think you can get plenty of action right there in jail. Oh and do remember to wake up your cellmate before you go go.
3) Lady Gaga wore a meat dress. So what? I wear meat every day. It's called "skin" and cannibals love it.
4) Bill Maher claims it is atheism that prevents him from getting an Emmy. Bill, are you completely sure it's atheism, and has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you're boorish and completely unfunny? Jon Stewart has you beat hands down. (Although it could also be because he's one of the Chosen People...)
5) Oprah is taking her audience to Australia. Is there anything this woman won't do to get herself in the news? Really, the only way that broad will ever impress me is if she gives a whole audience full of unemployed people jobs. Now that would be a feat worth talking about.