Sunday, January 03, 2010

The Best and the Worst

I wish I could remember when I was so glad to see a year die, but unfortunately I remember the year: 1987. It was the year that I was attacked in my apartment and almost raped. The year hadn't been any better before that point, and it certainly got worse afterward. I look at that year as the year when I realized bad things could happen - and honestly, nothing was quite the same after that.

As the years have gone by, they've been a mix of both good and bad. I can honestly say that before 1987, most of my adult years could be classified as "good." After 1987, I counted it a great year if the good outweighed the bad.

But 2009 has nothing on 1987 - nothing. This has been, by far, the worst year I've been through. However, as nothing is truly ever bad, I've highlighted some of the good things as well.

The Best of 2009

1) Living on my own - again. It's been years since I've been living in my own home. Granted, I bought this home about two years ago, but didn't really live in it on my own until a year ago. Before that, I was still spending time at the X-Factor's house - both with him and without (as I was still dog sitting when he went away on long trips). While I do believe I would like to eventually live with someone again - preferably married this time - I do enjoy having a house to myself.

2) Friends. If it weren't for some of my friends, I have no idea how I would have made it through the year with my sanity intact. There were so many instances when I thought I couldn't make it through another day and I'd get a call or an offer for a night out, and I knew I'd be okay...again.

3) Family. While my mom is no longer living, it is because of her and my dad's generosity that I was able to stay in my home this past year. Unemployment would not have paid the bills - if it weren't for a gift from my folks, I would have lost the home I so love and enjoy.

The Worst of 2009

1.) Unemployment. I was laid off in December of 2008, and spent all of 2009 looking for work. I didn't even get my first interview until April or May of 2009 - and after that, it was a series of rejection after rejection. As someone who has been working in some form or fashion since the age of 8, being jobless for a whole year was one of the worst things that has happened to me - ever.

2) My break-up. This is a hard one to talk about - even now. I don't know if I can even sum it up succinctly. Suffice it to say that as time went on, I realized that I was probably being cheated on long before I ever caught on. I should have left years ago - so I'm just as mad at myself as I am at him, if not more. For the most part, I have forgiven myself and am moving forward - but sometimes I still like to beat myself up over it.

3) My mom's death. I knew my mom wasn't doing well, but I had no idea how unwell she really was. Her death hit me hard - and I understand from talking to friends who have lost their mom's that the hurt and emptiness really never goes away. My only hope is that it will get easier with time.

4) Bad behavior. I don't know if it was the year's bad mojo or if people just went a little wacko this year, but I was on the receiving end of some really bad crap. Four make it to the top of the list - mostly because I encountered several sleepless nights over them:

A) Lost a friendship that had lasted over 20 years. I'm still not entirely sure what happened here - if you listened to his side of the story, you'd wonder why he was ever my friend in the first place. His nasty email which notified me that our friendship was severed spewed hate-induced venom and I'm not sure what I did to deserve that.

B) Lost a new friendship. This one shouldn't hurt me as much as it does, because 1) she hadn't been in my life long and 2) she was kind of crazy, anyway. Still, it did and to this day I still work at mending the fence, but I fear it has been torn down for good.

C) Internet stalker. You know, this is one of those things Dateline warns about but you think it will never happen to you. Well, guess again. I've been dealing with this guy for months now, and he still hasn't stopped. He also harasses my online friends, and poses as me while he does it. The ones who are stupid fall for it. The smart ones know it's him. Either way, it has strained some of my relationships and I am sometimes afraid I'll never shake this guy.

D) Sympathy card from the X-factor's fiance. Yeah, you read that right - the girl who won't allow him to contact me and threw a fit any time I called him sent me a card signed by the both of them. Why he would ever think this was a good idea is still beyond my reach. "Oh yes, honey, I know how you've made your hate for her clear in the past, but I think sending her this sympathy card from the both of us would be an excellent idea." Ugh.

I've been sitting here thinking "There has to be a five..." but I guess not, seeing as the bad behavior category kind of encompasses a lot of random bad crap, including Boner Fest 2009, formerly known as the November Cupid Birthday Bash. I didn't go into details on that one...but it does fall under the Bad Behavior category quite well.

Yes, 2009, I am so glad you are gone. "A good riddance to bad rubbish." 2010 is going to be better, dammit - I demand it!

No comments: