Case of the Missing Silverware

When I first moved into my place, I had no silverware. So, I did what any self-respecting woman would do: I stole a set from my ex.

Okay, I didn’t exactly “steal” it. After all, I bought it in the first place. But, he didn’t have any silverware of his own, so I took one of each: a knife, a fork, and a spoon. I figured it would get me by until I found a set I liked.

I normally get all my wares from the thrift store, but something about buying used silverware squigged me out, so I started scouting my local department stores for a set I liked. I wanted something decorative and hefty. I finally found what exactly what I wanted at Target (one of my absolute favorite department stores). The price was right, so it was mine within minutes.

While I loved the set, I soon discovered that the knives were no match for steak, so I went back to Target and bought a pair of inexpensive steak knives. Even though the price was low, the knives were great. They cut through even the toughest of steak (and you can pretty much bet, if I’m cooking it, it’ll be tough!).

About three months after I purchased the steak knives, one of my salad forks went missing. I use my salad forks more than my regular forks, because I like the size of them better. But, it’s not like I take them out of the house – no matter how much I like ‘em. I began my search in the usual places, starting with the kitchen drawers.

I looked behind the silverware tray, in the silverware tray (just in case I put it in the spoon section or the knife section). Nope. Looked in the towel drawer. Nope. Then, on a hunch, I looked in the refrigerator – could I have stuck it in there by a mistake? Not there.

I looked in the dishwasher (which I don’t use to wash dishes – I use it as a drying rack). Not there, either. I pulled out the refrigerator, not there. I took a flashlight and looked under the stove. Not there either.

Where did the fork disappear to? I figured it would turn up, but two years later it is still missing.

Apparently the fork got lonely, because late last week one of my steak knives went missing as well. I repeated the process I had employed while looking for the missing fork. The search turned up empty – the steak knife seems to have disappeared into thin air.

I honestly do not understand how two pieces of cutlery could just disappear. It’s not as if I take these pieces out of the house, nor do I have a lot of people over for meals. In fact, I haven’t had anyone over for dinner since the last time my dad was in town (approximately a year ago for those of you wondering).

I use the silverware, I drop it into the sink, wash it, dry it and put it away. Where in that process is a gap for it to go missing? How does it disappear from meal time to wash time?

Do I need to get an X-ray to see if I inadvertently swallowed them?