What happens in Hawthorne...

...is posted to the Internet!

The Hot Stix are back in town after our long weekend celebrating Armed Forces Day in Hawthorne. Here's what you missed:

1) Monster Truck Ride: Two Airborne Ranger Monster Trucks were there for the parade. After the parade, they set up in an abandoned lot and charged $5 per ride. Only two Hot Stix were up for the challenge: me and the other single redhead. It was a blast! Who knew Monster Trucks were fun?

2) Speaking of the other single redhead, she has a new name: Bloody Mary. Bet you can't guess what she was drinking all weekend.

3) Speaking of drinking, I didn't let loose. I brought four bottles of wine, and came back with three. I guess there were other things to take up my time, like...

4) The Parade: We practice for over three months to a song we LOVED - So What by Pink. We had new moves. A new costume. And a new sound system. We rocked, the sound system sucked. No one in the audience could hear the music. This was for several reasons: The sound system was mounted on a motorcycle (which most of us didn't want to happen, but...), and a firetruck was behind us in the parade, blasting its siren.

5) Karaoke: The VFW hosts karaoke night every year on Armed Forces Day in Hawthorne. Last year I begged the girls to go with - no one would. This year I talked three into going, and we had a blast. A Marine came over to me and said, "You chose the funnest songs tonight - will you sing one with me?" I had to do my part and oblige the active duty servicemember... we sang "Single Ladies..." and tore it UP in da house, fashizzle.

6) FYI: I also do a mean Snoop Doggy Dog, you know, just in case you were wondering.

7) Old Fuddy Duddies apparently don't appreciate the Snoop.

8) High heels cause pregnancy. Well, at least, we think they do. Everywhere we went, we found young girls in FMPs toting babies around. Who knew that Hush Puppies were the new birth control?

9) Hawthorne shuts down at 11 p.m. - even on a Saturday. The only other single gal and I attempted to have ourselves a single girl adventure after Karaoke. We hit the El Capitan first... and there were only four other people listening to the band, who kind of sucked and were arguing about what to play next. Then we went to Barley's, apparently the best place to party. But when we got there (before 11 p.m.), the band said, "This is our last song," and proceeded to close their set with one of the dumbest rock songs ever. The three remaining audience members-slash-motorcycle gang members couldn't even get that excited about it - and that was after they'd been drinking beer all day long.

Last stop was Joe's Tavern, the next best place to party. The cops beat us there - three cop cars, six cops, and the place was cleared out. So at 11:05 p.m., we found ourselves back in the room, donning our pajamas.

10) Small towns do have spirit. Yes, I make fun of Hawthorne, and you would, too, if you went there. However, there is no denying that the town LOVES its veterans. Visitors come from all over the country to celebrate Armed Forces Day there. The welcoming given to veterans and active service members brings a tear to the eye and a warmth to the heart.

I love going there every year just for that fact alone. Oh, and the karaoke ain't bad, either.