Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Next Step

Just as I sat down to update my journal, the phone rang. I almost answered it, but seeing as I called the office this morning to leave the message that I wasn't coming in, I decided against it.

Good thing, as it was Chris. She said,"PJ, since you called in and didn't say you were ill, I believe we need to talk today. You know the number. Give me a call."


I wish Todd was awake right now, because I think I need his logical, rational input as to what my next step should be.

I am not calling. I'm not ready to talk. In fact, I'm not even ready to go back.

Which leads me to the reason why I sat down to write this entry in the first place. What is my next step?

I couldn't sleep last night. I woke up at 1 a.m., my stomach tied up in knots. After tossing and turning for about an hour, I finally got out of bed and went into my office. I re-read my entry, the replies, and just tried to listen to my inner voice. Unfortunately, that inner voice is drowned out by the sound of my fear.

I've NEVER been fired from a job before. I think, though, I just might be about to be fired. Yesterday, for not being a team player. Today for not coming in.

Well. What's next? Will I be able to temp without a recent job reference? Will I land on my feet after a situation like this? How do people do it? People that have gotten fired, that is.

I sincerely believe the ONLY reason I wasn't fired yesterday was because both Chris and Dennis aren't prepared to have an empty writer's slot at work. Chris doesn't want to do the writing, and neither does Dennis. They know that Michelle can fill my role completely, except for the writing. I believe the plan was to reprimand me, and keep me around while they silently tried to find a writer to fill my role. Once found, I would be gone.

In other words, yesterday or tomorrow, it's going to happen.

I guess it's time for me to be PROACTIVE and do something...but honestly, I'm not sure what that something is. Update my resume, of course. Temp agencies? Perhaps.

I'm just not sure how to answer the question "Why did you leave your last job?"

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