Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The Bachelor

It's no big secret that I'm a sucker when it comes to ABC's The Bachelor. I get pulled in with every season, no matter how much I dislike the bachelorettes or the bachelor himself. And I don't even need to go into the "set ups" - the scenes that are so obviously contrived by the powers that be who run the show.

For all its faults, I'm still drawn to the show.

The big fault this year is the Bachelor himself. Chris Harrison calls him "Our best bachelor ever!" I am wondering if Chris is on drugs. Has he really even seen this bachelor? Did he take a good look at him? Or is he so hard up for drug money that he's willing to read ABC's dictum word-for-word unti he really believes it?

There is no way Travis Dork Stork is the best bachelor ever. First of all, he's not even good looking. In fact, he's kind of monsterish. Big head. Small ears. Squinty eyes. Secondly, it's clear that he is a big slob who ABC decided to clean up and makeover for the show. And lastly, the only reason he made it to the show is because he's a doctor. Isn't that every girl's dream?

Of course it isn't, but it's a universal illusion that every woman wants a doctor.

And that's what The Bachelor is really all about: illusion. I mean, really... who in the normal world gets courted in Paris? Or New York City? Who gets private audiences with well-known singers, while they're dressed in formal wear, eating a romantic dinner for two? Who gets chauffered around in limos rife with champagne on each of their dates? More importantly, who dates a man who is dating 24 other women at the same time?

Hugh Hefner's girls aside, the answer is "no one."

One illusion that's fun to watch is how quickly the women on the show are convinced that The Bachelor is "the one." It doesn't matter which Bachelor. Even crude, rude and man-whorish Bob Guiney broke hearts left and right during the first Rose Ceremony. "But I loved him! I am the one! Why can't he see that???" was the cry echoed by many Bachelorettes that first night.

This season is no exception. The very first Rose Ceremony left one highly educated woman ranting and raving that Travis was an imbecile because he couldn't commit to reproducing babies with her.

Huh? First night, and she already wanted to have his babies? See what I mean about illusion?

Maybe it's the cameras, or the lights, or the sense of competition that permeates the Bachelor air, but these women are convinced that the Bachelor is "the one" the moment they first lay eyes on him. They must have him, no matter what the cost.

The cost is usually their humility and pride.

I have to admit, though, their emotional expenditures make good TV, which is why people like me continue to watch The Bachelor - even when he is a dork.

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