You know, one of the things I absolutely loathe and detest is that periodically I have a dream featuring Mr. Kim. These dreams haunt me for days, usually because they point out obvious things I already knew, and don't know why I need to berate myself with these things while sleeping.
Early this morning I had another dream featuring Mr. Kim, but this one was different. For the first time, I actually came out the victor in the dream.
I can't remember a lot about the details of how Mr. Kim and I got together in the dream. I know my dad was in my dream, and so was my mom. But at some point, I was at Mr. Kim's place (you know, the home I used to share with him), and Kim was long gone. I don't mean they were broken up - she was on a trip or out of state or something.
I was there...to pick up my stuff? To...? I have no idea. What I do remember quite clearly is that he made sexual advances towards me. He started telling me how much he missed me - how I turned him on, etc. And I asked him one question - while I can't remember exactly what I asked, I know it had to do with the his status. I maybe asked him if he was leaving Kim or if he was not in love with her...
The point is, he didn't answer the question. He looked sheepish and shamefaced at the same time. He started to respond, and then stopped himself. Then he pressed himself against me again, and started seducing me with words.
This time, I recognized it for what it was: just pure sexual attraction. I realized in my dream that he was not going to leave her, that whatever this thing we had was just chemistry. I told him to stop, I wasn't interested any more.
I also asked him if we were to have sex, how would he know that Kim wouldn't find out? I reminded him that he cheated on me with her - and that if I was her, I would be keeping a watchful eye on every little thing he did, especially if I was away. And then I said, "You know, if I had the money she has, I would even probably hire a private detective to keep an eye out."
He left the room, and I went to straighten the bed (we were still fully clothed). I found a money clip under the pillow with some small bills in it. I left the clip, and took the money.
Then I thought that while he might not remember the amount of money that was there, he'd certainly know that the money clip had something - I started to return a twenty dollar bill... and then stopped myself. I took it. I realized it was small payment for all the crap he put me through, and for all the stuff of mine that Kim gave away.
I grabbed up what few belongings of mine was still there and left.
While I knew the money didn't even make a dent in the value of the stuff Kim took from me, I knew he wouldn't be able to confide to Kim that I took the money without explaining why I was there in the first place. I smirked and felt powerful as I walked away.
I really like that I had such a different and powerful dream for a change. I truly believe this signifies something important - hopefully a shift in my journey.
Moving forward once again. Yay!