I think...

I think I'm in a better place than I was when I blogged last. I wish I could say for sure that I'm in a better place emotionally - but I can't. The only reason I think I'm in a better place is because I'm doing what I do best: ignoring what is going on inside of me and going through the motions of everyday life.

My dad is out of the hospital, but I'm not entirely sure what's going on. But, I honestly don't think he knows, either, so I'm not going to give him any crap about keeping me informed. The truth is that while he went in for one thing (pulmonary embolism), all of a sudden other things went wrong.

Are these other things linked to the meds? Are they linked to the embolism? Were they going to happen anyway? Who knows? Well, God probably knows, but let me tell you, he's not letting me in on the secret.

Work is... work. I'm still not getting ahead, but at least I'm not drowning in failure any more, either. I know. I exaggerate. But honestly as much as I was against it, being moved to another channel was a good thing.

Love life - well, I have none. I am getting no bites on the dating sites, and nothing is happening in real life, either. I go out. I meet people at events, but the guys don't seem to take a shine to me. Well wait. They do seem to enjoy talking to me, but almost always leave with the blonde.

I'm thinking of dying my hair blonde just to see if my life changes.

Speaking of changes, I've been attempting to listen to a CD I got at Goodwill: the Law of Attraction (Part 1). I guess Part 2 was already sold.

This audiobook is so annoying! I'm on disc 2, and basically it's still a big advertisement of what will happen once I put the Law of Attraction into use. STOP TRYING TO CONVINCE ME. Just get to the meat already, okay?

I also bought the book The Secret at Goodwill, and it is the same thing. I'm at about the 4th chapter, and still the authors haven't said anything about how it works - just that it works. It's like the book is one big infomercial. No juice... just seeds.

And you might be wondering why I'm buying all this fluffy bunny crap - well, it's because I believe there is something to be said about attitude and gratitude and positive thinking.

I don't believe I'm a pessimist. I am more of a realist. Still... that doesn't bring me great joy. I don't get optimists. In fact, quite frankly they bug me. But... it dawned on me that they are doing something right. It seems like it is the optimists that have good lives. Happy lives. That get the things they want.

I'm not saying they don't have their own struggles... but their struggles don't hamper their movement.

Do I think that after listening to The Law of Attraction (Part 1) and reading The Secret that my life will be instantaneously good? Nah. I do, however, think it will help to adjust my mindset.

As a longtime listener to Coast to Coast AM, I often hear about "vibrations" and our vibrational levels, etc. Before nodding off to sleep the other night, a guest was talking about vibrations. And then, guess what? On Part 1 of the Law of Attraction, they (meaning Abraham - his or her many selves) talked about vibrations. About how being negative sends out negative vibrations, making it difficult to attract higher vibrations.

I don't know - it all sounds kind of odd and touchy feely, but it is finally starting to make some sense to me.

I started keeping a little journal with my Attitude of Gratitude postings. I am keeping it to five things a day. Surely I can find five things a day to be thankful for. Right?

So. I think I'm doing better. Or maybe I'm just ignoring the trouble that I am in. And I probably am doing that. However, at the same time, I'm actively working on making things better. Small steps... but maybe eventually they'll get me somewhere other than where I've been.