Instinct Says...

I think I just lost a friend.

I feel bummed about it, and yet, in my honest moments with myself, I knew this would happen long ago. Granted, I didn't know exactly how or when it would happen, but I knew it all the same.

Last year, my Risting instructor decided to start teaching Runes. He's an expert, and people in the community had been after him for some time to teach a class. He finally did it, and I decided to enroll.

I enrolled mostly to learn about Rune magic (which would be part of the course instruction), but also to meet some more people in the community. Unfortunately, I only lasted for three classes...that third class was a dilly and kicked my butt. I realized then and there that I had taken on too much (my Risting classes PLUS rune work), so I dropped out.

However, I was part of an email mailing list that many of the class members were on. One of my class members (I shall call her Nelly) emailed me saying things like "I really missed you in class," and "I'd like to meet you sometime for blankity-blank-blank" (no, not dirty stuff!).

Things kind of got weird...I'm not sure of the details, but my instructor had to stop teaching the class at the store, and I believe he and Nelly had some sort of falling out. Nelly, though, kept after me. Against my better judgment, I decided to go ahead and meet her one afternoon at Borders. "What the hell," I thought. "It's just coffee."

Well, what I didn't know was that Nelly is a talker. And I just don't mean any kind of talker...but A TALKER. With most people who tend to talk too much and listen too little, I can find some sort of break in which to say "Oh, excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom, " or "Hey, that reminds me of a similar incident..." With Nelly, there are no breaks. And her body language is difficult to read. The meeting went on for almost five hours, and just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, without any warning, Nelly just gathered her things and said "It was good to see you again. We'll have to do this again."

When I got home, Todd asked me how it went. I told him that it seemed that all Nelly wanted to talk about was my Risting instructor, the new metaphysical store, the women who worked there, and the drama that went on at the last store. "I think she thought I knew something, and was hoping to gain inside knowledge...I just didn't have any to share with her." I further thought that since I was of no help, I wouldn't be hearing from her any more.

I was wrong.

Nelly continued to email me, asking me to meet for coffee. All in all, I probably ended up meeting with her about 5 or 6 different times. We seemed to be friends, so I invited her to go to the ABBACADABRA concert. However, no matter the venue, she always brought up my Risting instructor, and also gossiped about the girls who ran the new metaphysical shop.

I almost always had the impression she wanted something from me. Information, I guess...but I didn't really have it.

As she came to the realization that I had no inside knowledge about the store drama and stuff like that, I noticed she didn't meet me as much. If we had plans for coffee, she would often back out. She'd reschedule, but oftentimes for a time slot I wasn't free for. And every time I was about to write her off, she'd come through, as if sensing she was going to lose me.

The last time we met was right after Samhain. She managed to blow me off the whole month of October, saying that she was in the processing of blessing her house and couldn't meet. When she found out I was soon going to have a birthday, she wrote it down and promised me a birthday reading. That was two months ago, and I haven't received my reading yet.

She still would periodically email me and say "I still owe you that reading, when can we meet?" However, every time and date I suggested to her was no good. Finally, we came to an agreement to meet last Sunday afternoon at Borders. She warned me that she wouldn't do the reading, as she felt uncomfortable doing so in a public place, but still wanted to spend some time with me.

On Friday, I contacted her to set up a time. She said "You know, I think I'll be busy on Sunday. How about tomorrow instead?" Well, I was busy "tomorrow" so I had to say no. She then asked if I wouldn't mind waiting until Saturday for confirmation...I told her that was okay, but honestly? It left a bad taste in my mouth. It reeked of "I think I might have something better to do, but I won't find out until tomorrow."

Saturday morning, I received an email with the subject "Have a nice weekend." I knew what it said...and of course, I was right. She still didn't know if she had plans for Sunday or not, so decided not to meet with me at all. "But we can meet next Monday, because I'm off."

Whoop-de-do. Not everyone in the world gets MLK day off. I was so mad, I didn't even respond. I thought if she was serious about making time for me, she'd contact me again. If she wasn't, I wouldn't hear from her.

It's been a week, and I haven't heard from her.

The weird thing is that, for the most part, I don't care. I saw this coming months ago...only in my hopes of making more friends in the community, I had ignored it.

Lesson? Listen to my instincts. Seriously. Sometimes I think I will never learn.

As for being Nellyless, the only thing I'm really bummed about is that I'll never get that birthday reading. The rest of the drama, I can do without.