Monday, March 15, 2010


Although I was keeping it on the down low, for the last month I have been dating someone. Only a few friends knew, because this guy is someone who was liked, or should I say “like liked,” by some women in my circle. So, instead of rousing jealousy without need, I didn’t mention it – figuring that if the relationship fizzled, no harm done and no feelings were hurt (except maybe mine).

I’m not going to sit here and say the guy was everything I wanted and more. He wasn’t. But, I saw potential. Just because he didn’t meet all my parameters (age, height, number of past marriages), that didn’t mean he was out of the running. He treated me well. He was complimentary. And he seemed communicative.

Turns out “seemed” is the operative word.

We had dinner plans for Tuesday – he was going to come over for corned beef and cabbage. I was excited to be having him over for the first time. And then it happened – the dreaded dump email. Yes, email.

“Peej, let’s hold off on dinner…” was how he started, and went on to find all kinds of reasons that, while he could see himself falling in love with me, he could no longer date me. The main reason he stated was my “busy-ness.” I was always doing something, and he didn’t have confidence that I could live a quiet lifestyle. I explained to him that I often filled my time with extracurricular activities because I was single – but if in an exclusive relationship, of course my priorities would change.

Turns out, it’s not the busy-ness. It’s the whole witch “thing” as he put it.

I find this irritating and annoying and maddening. Why? Because 1) he knew I was a witch going into this. 2) We have never discussed it. He hasn’t asked me any questions about it, and I don’t bring it up. I wasn’t going to try to convert him or anything. And, if he would have ever bothered to ask me, he would have discovered that spiritually, we have a lot of the same beliefs, including the big one: God.

I am also irritated because while he says he’s a Christian and therefore cannot be cavorting with a witch, he doesn’t go to church (as least as far as I’ve been able to determine from how he spends his Sundays). He doesn’t pray before eating. He doesn’t tote around a bible. In fact, he’s never mentioned his faith, his beliefs, or his spirituality.

That aside, as I mentioned before, he never discussed these issues with me. My lifestyle. What I do. According to him, I’m gentle. Tender. Nice. “The perfect woman.” (His words – not mine.)

I have determined the real issue here is that he’s not ready for a relationship. These excuses are – well – excuses. They would hold weight if he had discussed them with me. Explored them with me. Found me to be unwilling to make allowances for him in my life. But no, he just made a blanket assumption, and that angers me. Because in every other way, he did everything he could to express his interest in pushing us further. He told me he hoped we would become exclusive. He bought me presents. Contacted me several times a day. Complimented me almost to the point of overkill.

So, if I’m all that and a bag of chips – the woman he could see himself falling in love with – why the sudden exit?

I know the answer and it angers me. But, I’m not one to hold a grudge – instead, I’m just moving on. Got any single guy friends you wanna fix me up with?

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