Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Faux Sex with the Ex

Your ex really isn't your ex until you have sex...isn't that right? I swear I heard that somewhere before...maybe just in my own head. But, it's kind of true, right? Almost every woman I've ever talked to has had sex with her ex.

Now I'm one of them.

Well, kind of. Let me explain... Hunky's new girlfriend doesn't want him to have female friends. Of course, that includes me. We still occasionally chat online, but basically we no longer talk on the phone, and emails are few and far between. As he was my best friend for eleven years, it's kind of odd not to talk to him any more.

Two weeks ago, he called me when he was in the car on his way to an appointment. He didn't have much to say - just wanted to let me know he was thinking of me and hoping all was well. We chatted until he arrived at his destination. Surprisingly, he called me again when he left his appointment. We talked some more, and I almost invited him over for tea, but something stopped me.

I visited my parents that weekend, and when my mom asked if I'd heard from Hunky, I told her the story. Then I added that I almost invited him over for tea, since he was near my place, but didn't. She asked me why I didn't, and I said I wasn't sure - maybe I just wasn't sure it was appropriate.

I thought about my conversation with my mom, and the next time I had reason to email Hunky, I told him that I had almost invited him over for tea. Then I said that if ever wanted to catch up in person, he was welcome to come on over. And Hunky being Hunky, he actually did email me to let me know he'd be in my neighborhood again; was the invitation still open?

It was, and today was the day. I worked this morning at a temp job, and had not eaten so I was famished by the time I got home. I made lunch for us both, as it turned out he had not eaten yet, either.

Over lunch, we talked. It turned out he and Girlfriend had an argument last night, and it continued on this morning. We talked about that, and one thing led to another led to another and at some point it came out that he was still attracted to me physically. Or sexually. Or both.

Next thing I knew, we were naked. Well, I was naked; he was half naked. And then we had faux sex, which in my definition is sex without vaginal penetration. Because, let's face it - if naked body parts and orgasms abound, it's sex. Maybe not real sex, but it's sex.

Afterward, he asked me if I felt guilty. Nope. Not one freakin' bit. It would have been different if I knew Girlfriend and felt some sort of loyalty to her. But I don't know her. And, it would be different if she allowed us to be friends. But she doesn't. guilt here. Only the afterglow of pleasure.

Of course, there is one more thing - and that is that it was simply sex with the ex. It's not going to turn into a huge romance. He's not going to leave Girlfriend for me. It's simply sex - and that's something I'll have to figure out if I'm okay with.

I think I am, but you know it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind.

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