I have an active dream life, however it's rare that a dream really hits me and stays with me for a few days. So, imagine my surprise when I had one of those dreams the other night.
I'll spare everyone the details, because I don't think anyone likes to read or hear about other people's dreams. However, the gist of the dream was that a guy I know in real life, Vince, had grabbed at my butt. I remember being repulsed and then...interested. Somehow, we ended up laying on some grass, him on top of me (yes, we had our clothes on!), with his right arm over mine, and our right hands clasped.
In my dream I thought "This is really nice...why have I been avoiding it for so long?"
Of course, when I woke up I analyzed the dream. "Why would I dream of Vince," was the main question going through my head, especially since he's mad at me and hasn't talked to me all summer.
At first I wondered if I had latent romantic (or sexual???) feelings for him. But then I thought about Vince...and realized that couldn't be it. Vince is a nice guy, and actually not bad looking. But...yes there is a but. In fact there are a few buts: He can't spell, which is on the top of my pet peeves list. He was laid off of his job months and months ago, and decided not to get another job, but instead become an "artiste," so of course he has no money. (Not that I'm a gold digger, but I notice I tend not to respect men who don't work...(as Rabbi Lapin - America's Rabbi! - states, women are drawn to men who not only can take care of them, but want to take care of them). And, the clincher: He's single. At age 46.
Okay. Let's not focus on the fact that I, too, am single and forty-something. I fully admit I've got issues...the main one being I like, no need, lots of time alone which doesn't bode well in relationships.
So, then, why the dream? Well...why not the dream? I suppose it had nothing to do with Vince at all, and instead had to do with the fact that as much as I pretend I don't...I really DO want that feeling of security with someone.
I don't have that right now. Oh sure, I know...hunky loves me. He could say it a thousand times a day, and yet right now, it wouldn't be enough. Kind of difficult to feel secure with someone who is dating other people, who always has his eye out for a better fit.
And so that dream probably sums up where I am relationship-wise right now...insecure and hoping someone will grab at my butt.